Now at 40, things have started to change. After conducting a three month long photo retouching marathon, crescendoing into a fever pitch finale at work central, my wife and I had a whopping 4 hours to pack, sleep and buckle our baby into the car seat before heading to the airport to catch a plane to Florida for the holidays! Living in Portland, Oregon that would be considered a cross continental flight.  We booked our tickets way in advance and were looking forward to enjoying a week of R&R in the sun with my wife’s parents who were excited to grandparent after our 9-month-old girl Sophie.

Not surprising though, three days before we fly out, the airline calls us to let us know that the return leg of our flight has been cancelled and we will have to make alternate plans to fly back. It was sure nice of them to give us a heads up. Ok what are our options?  We, you can do a 3-hour layover which makes for a 15-hour day of flying or you can go through Newark and only spend 12-hours on planes. Joy! They really think of everything to make the process painless don’t they?

Ok, so we are flying with a 9-month-old baby. I know it will be hell at some point but I am resolved to have a good time and just go with the flow. The flight to Florida is easy! Sophie sleeps most of the way and when she is awake she charms all the passengers around her with her smile and baby antics. Wow that was so easy!! 

We had a great time! The holidays were awesome, the beaches perfect and the weather- sunny as promised. Now for the flight home to Portland.

We flew out in the late afternoon right around her nap time. She sleeps most of the way to Newark and I even have a chance to read a bit. A 1-hour layover in Newark, no problem, we all eat and… flight delay. OK, what is another hour? An hour to you or me is nothing but to a 9-month-old it is a measurable portion of her lifespan. She begins to get a little bit cranky, a bit fidgety but I am good with it, I can do this.

We finally take our seats, buckle in, baby gets the bottle and we take off. A 6-hour flight, with a cranky baby, on New Year’s Eve? What could go wrong?  My darling little girl snuggles in to her carrier and dozes off on my chest. I relax, take off my shoes, grab my book and she wakes up. Not happy. Not hungry. Not sleepy. WAHHHHHHH! Stops for a second, takes a deep breath and WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Wow, right in my ear at the top of her lungs. How do you calm a person you can’t talk to, you can’t reason with, who not only can’t speak your language but also speaks no language. There is no way to make her stop. You can’t be angry, you can’t be tough, no carrot, no stick. Just smile and enjoy the chaos! She starts wearing herself out and maybe dropping the wail a decibel or two - nothing anyone else would notice but my well-tuned ear is catching on now.

Sniff sniff. Great. Lets add a soiled diaper to the mix. Maybe that’s the reason for all the tears and shrieking. “Pardon me sir I realize that you are sleeping and elderly and cranky as well but I really must get by to get to the restroom.” I have to hurry before she wakes up and starts screaming again. WAHHHHHHHHH! That worked well. I lovingly hold my bundle of screaming, drooling, snot bubble blowing, poo smelling joy and make my way down the isle.

I quickly realize that I am barefoot when I step into a small river flowing across the isle. I thought there was a limit on how much liquid a person could bring aboard? Great. Now all I need is to step on a dirty napkin. Yup. There it is stuck to the bottom of my foot. Awesome! Now I am walking down the isle with a napkin stuck to the bottom of my foot. The New Year’s celebration is getting good. OK, finally into the bathroom where it seems someone has taken a bath in the micro sink. “Water” is all over the floor and yes I am still barefoot. I lay my baby down on the changing table and look to my right. A large mirror shows me how far I have come from party time on New Year’s Eve. Standing bare foot in a flooded airline bathroom with a napkin stuck to my foot and baby poo on my hands. She finally cried herself to sleep by the time we landed and our neighbor picked us up at the airport. Once home and my bundle of joy was safe and quiet in her bed, my wife and I celebrated the beginning of 2012 hugging and laughing over a bottle of cheap wine. Life keeps getting better every year.

Alex Nekrasov – Lead Color Retoucher
Sophie Nekrasov – Daddy’s Girl